I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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