I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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