she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
