I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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