i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
