There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
