i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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