two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
