Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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