Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
