Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
