There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
