guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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