Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have aggressive nipples.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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