I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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