I'm so fucking centered right now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
