I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
