she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
