YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
