i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
