he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
