I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
