I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
