I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
