I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
