Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
