lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
