tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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