We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
