You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
