after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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