I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just come out here and I will go home with you...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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