Do you still have your period?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
