Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
