We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As shirtless as possible
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
