So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
