my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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