Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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