well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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