I'm eating all of the evidence.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
