some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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