Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
kristin has been a bad kristin
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
