how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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