i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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