What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
