i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
