I want to have your abortion
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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