I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
