two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
