im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
