this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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