found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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