The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He kissed a someone with a penis
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
