I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
