we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
