when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
