guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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