I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
