she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
