dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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