I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
