I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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