she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
