But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
