I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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