I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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