and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
this is an emotional support booty call
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
