So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
